n C-clamp. I’d say they look more like ‘G’s. If you’ve no idea what any of this means, don’t worry your pretty little head about it.

n home. Rather a London-centric word: Why don’t we go back to my gaffe and skin up? The shorter word “gaff” (to make a foolish error) is the same in both U.K. and U.S. English.

n bloke in charge. Originally the foreman of a construction site, but can be used universally. In the film industry, the gaffer is the set’s chief electrician, in charge of pretty much anything with wires attached to it. This may or may not be relevant.

n duct tape. Sort of. The heavy, slightly meshed sticky tape used to silence potential murder victims and to reliably and effectively attach small animals to tables. Unlike duct tape, gaffer tape is designed not to melt onto things, and is used extensively in the theatre and film industry. Probably derived from the fact that the Gaffer is the chief electrician on a film set.

n back yard. Americans use the word “garden” to refer to areas where fairly specific things are grown – flowers or vegetables, for example. Brits use the word to refer to the area behind their house which contains some grass, a long-since abandoned attempt at a rockery and a broken plastic tricycle.

n a period of time, paid for by your previous employer, during which you are contractually obliged not to start any other job. Popularised by the banking industry, this is time you are intended to spend looking after your garden and forgetting intellectual property of your prior employer. Should be called “skiing leave” or “coke and hookers leave” in my personal opinion.

n accept a higher offer in a property deal at the very last minute: The day we were supposed to sign the papers we were gazumped! Your mother spat at them, which made me feel slightly better about it.

n the “stick” of a stick-shift car. This applies to cars with manual transmission – automatic cars in the U.K. are reserved for pensioners, the severely disabled and Americans.

n transmission. The box of gears that sits between the engine and the prop shaft of a car.

n dude. While Americans use geezer too, it implies someone much older and with much less street-cred than the British version: Is that yours? / Sort of, I just bought it off some geezer in the pub. / Was it always that colour? / I think it might be dead.

n person from Newcastle, or thereabouts.

v make out: I just noticed Ian’s ex getting off with his brother! This must not be confused with the U.S. term “to get someone off,” which means, well, rather a lot more.

v have sex: I think our dog’s been getting his end away with that St. Bernard down the street.

n dizzy or vertiginous. In the U.S. this means silliness and/or giggling – the British definition is more of a medical condition. The British driving license application form asks the applicant whether they are “subject to excessive giddiness.”

n a tricky one to define. But, of course, that’s what I’m getting paid the big bucks for. What it doesn’t mean is what The Waltons meant when they said it (“git outta here, John-Boy”). Git is technically an insult but has a twinge of jealousy to it. You’d call someone a git if they’d won the Readers’ Digest Prize Draw, outsmarted you in a battle of wits or been named in Bill Gates’ last will and testament because of a spelling mistake. Like “sod,” it has a friendly tone to it. It may be derived from Arabic, or it may be a contraction of the word “illegitimate.” Or neither.

interj give up: When are you going to stop watching telly and get your homework done? / Jesus mum, give over!

interj yield. This phrase on a road sign means that, at the junction you’re approaching, other traffic has the right of way. The signs themselves are white upward-pointing triangles with a red line around them. Americans have similar signs but the arrow is downward-pointing, and they have “Yield” written on them instead. Americans used to have yellow ones, but this turns out to be a whole separate topic that I don’t want to get into.

v the act of breaking a glass and shoving the lower half of it into someone’s face, thereby causing some degree of distress. A popular way for pikeys to settle arguments.

adj go down great; go down like a bomb: Julie went down a storm with the customers we spoke to today – I reckon we’ll see an order this afternoon as long as the demo model doesn’t catch fire again.

1 n mouth. Almost always used in the context “shut your gob.” 2 v spit: The pikey fucker just gobbed down my shirt! It’s possible the word is derived from Gaelic, where it means a bird’s beak, or from the English navy, where it was used widely to refer to the toilet.