When I first moved to the US, I spent quite some time getting the necessary paperwork together in order to get a firearms license. The rules vary state-by-state, but in Washington it’s actually quite difficult for a non-US citizen to own a gun. I had to get together a bunch of paperwork, including my original birth certificate and a letter from the British police stating that I had no criminal record. But I found it all, and I sent it all off and got my license. Here is a picture of it.
Yes that is my real middle name. My plan was to buy a gun, but not keep any ammunition at home. The gun was only going to be a toy to casually throw in the lap of visiting Europeans, who had never seen one before. I might also take them to the firing range to play with it.
My wife vetoed this entire plan. The gun was a complete waste of money unless I was intending shooting somebody with it. If I found somebody I needed to shoot, I was to get back to her with the details and she could determine whether I could buy a gun or not.
At the time I made a pouty face, and went and test drove a Hummer instead for my taste of the American Dream. But I suppose my wife is right. Even in a country with bizarre laws about guns, there doesn’t seem a point in buying one unless you have a person to shoot.
The National Rifle Association is an American lobbying group which supports gun ownership. After the most recent school shooting, the CEO of the NRA, one Wayne LaPierre, gave a press conference in which he suggested a few things. During it, he said “the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun”.
Bad guys the world over can find ways of getting guns – I don’t think anyone would really disagree with that. But, in the UK at least, getting a gun is actually pretty difficult. You need to know the right smuggling contacts, you need to have a lot of money and you need to be pretty damn sure you’re going to need it, because if you get caught with a gun you’ll be put in prison until your hair is grey.
To allow people to compare the systems, I have drawn up a handy table to indicate whom is armed in the US, compared with the UK.
| Guy | Armed in US? | Armed in UK? |
| Mafia hit-man | Yes | Yes |
| Drug lord | Yes | Yes |
| Police SWAT response team | Yes | Yes |
| Bank robber | Yes | Probably |
| Gang member | Yes | Knife |
| Street policeman | Yes | Truncheon |
| House burglar | Yes | No |
| Guy you just pulled out in front of | Yes | No |
| Your ex-girlfriend’s dad | Yes | No |
| Guy you just fired | Yes | No |
| Fourteen-year-old child left babysitting | Yes | No |
| Guy who just ninja’d first place in the ATM line | Yes | No |
| Certified lunatic | Probably | No |
The bad guys who have guns in the UK need them for their work. They have specific people whom they may wish to put holes in, and the possible income they can gain from shooting those people outweighs the huge penalties for firearms possession. I think those people are unlikely to shoot me. The rest are also unlikely to shoot me, but they’re certainly the ones I’m most worried about. Are they the bad guys? Am I the only good guy?
Hi Chris and your email link from the Seppo site didn’t work, I can’t find another one for you, hence doing things this way. Enjoyed your site a lot and a tweak for your consideration:
As you write, Abseil is indeed Kraut for descending a rope (though not at the end of a rope but progressively sliding down a fixed rope) but the point I bring to your attention is that it describes the person descending who is facing the rock, not away from it as you’ve written.
In fact, Rappelling is simply the French word to descend a rope, in exactly the same manner as Abseiling, in other words, facing inwards.
• Seppos and Canuks use rappelling
• Poms, Kiwis and Ockers use abseiling
The facing out technique is called a forward rundown or Aussie rappelling and is derives from the Australian army cliff assault technique for high speed descent of a cliff while firing a weapon.
On the intrawebs you’ll see Seppos calling a forward rundown Aussie Rappelling.
How I know this be Yoda?
Climbing instructor since The Battle of Ascalon, First Crusade, August 12, 1099.
Below is a re-write if you want to bung it in ….
abseil: v to descend a cliff down a fixed rope via a friction device and facing the cliff. Abseil is the German word, Rappel is the French and both words describe the same technique. Seppos and Canuks use Rappelling; Poms, Kiwis and Ockers use Abseiling.
Descending a cliff facing forwards is called a forward run-down or Aussie Rappel.
The word Abseil is from the German abseilen meaning simply “down rope.”
Those crazy Germans and their crazy language.
May have to buy your book – enjoy your work.
TD
PS. Pommy travel writer in 1970’s in Oz hoping to get on a small passenger plane but it was full. Dude on the plane tells him no seats available:
“Sorry Ocker, the Fokker’s chocka”.
I just like it ….
You are underestimating how easy it is to get a gun in the UK or anywhere else, you do not need great contacts or lots of money (you need some contacts that will quickly get you new ones or serve as middle man, and less than 500 pounds, or, a shed and some basic tools and materials from the nearby plumbing supply shop to make yourself a zip gun, or, if you don’t want a weapon that shoots bullets you can shoot whatever you like and kill anyway, if you’re creative enough, gasoline, bearings, nails, arrows, axes, whatever…) and you are forgetting what really matters, the death toll, in favor of something irrelevant like the number of guns in circulation, I mean, knives kill as well you know… and if knives needed a permit then people would kill with sticks and stones, so it’s obvious, if somebody wants to kill someone, they’ll do it no matter how, what’s important is to educate people so they don’t kill (and also don’t create situations that force them to, obviously).
Fact is, gun laws get more guns out of the hands of law abiding citizens (who, in fact, give a shit about the security of themselves and others) than they get out of the hands of criminals, this is not even debatable to any extent because criminals don’t have exactly a good track record of respecting the law, that’s why they’re criminals in the first place.
Although I don’t own a gun because I don’t feel like I need it at this point, I understand those who do and so, I’m against all laws that limit law abiding citizens to have them, with this I mean that not all gun laws are bad, but most I’ve seen so far, are.
uhx, the reality is that in the USofA, the majority of handgun deaths are caused by family or friends. The tired old NRA whine “guns don’t kill, people do” has been debunked and is no longer credible. “Gun control” does NOT mean gun confiscation, despite the bleating of the NRA trolls.
Chris, cheers for the laughs … a co-worker is going to London for a week and we have armed him with your “things Yanks should NEVER say in England” pages.