n nonsense. The etymology of this antiquated but superb word leads us to an English gentleman named Hiram Codd, who in 1872 came up with the idea of putting a marble and a small rubber ring just inside the necks of beer bottles in order to keep fizzy beer fizzy (“wallop” being Old English for beer). The idea was that the pressure of the fizz would push the marble against the ring, thereby sealing the bottle. Unfortunately, the thing wasn’t nearly as natty as he’d hoped and “Codd’s wallop” slid into the language first as a disparaging comment about flat beer and eventually as a general term of abuse.

n discounts you might get on things if you’ve been there before, are a student, are over sixty or such like. Brits do not use the U.S. definition (snacks you buy during a film or sporting event). Often abbreviated “concs,” to confuse American tourists attending crappy mainstream musicals in the West End.

interj ooh! Once a part of the phrase “cor blimey,” this is now used on its own to mean something like “ooh!” And here was you thinking that was some sort of typo.

interj rather older-fashioned term of surprise: Cor blimey, I thought he was going to drive straight into us! Has mostly migrated these days into just “blimey” or, more rarely, “cor.”

n pron. “crack” fun and frolics to be had with other people; what makes a particular pub fun, or a particular wedding bearable: The pub ended up being a bit shit but the craic was great! From Irish Gaelic, hence the comedy spelling. The popular recreational drug “crack” exists in the U.K., as does the euphemism for vagina. This means endless confusion for many Irish crack whores.

interj general expression of surprise. Rather elderly and a little esoteric these days — you can most imagine it being used in a context something like: Crikey, Eustace — looks like Cambridge are going to win after all! It may be derived from “Christ kill me.” It also may not.

n sudden failure. Only really used in the phrase “come a cropper,” e.g., Your uncle Arthur came a cropper on his motorcycle one evening after a few beers! It means something particularly bad has happened to the person in question. Most likely they died.

interj general expression of surprise. Much akin to “God,” or “bloody hell” in that context (but without the ghastly use of our saviour’s name in vain or any swearing). It’s quite all right to use in polite company, though perhaps a little antiquated. More likely to be heard in a context like: Crumbs, that’s more expensive than Harrods rather than: Crumbs, I just dropped the smack out the window.

n checking account. The bank account into which you deposit your salary, only to have it seep away gently through the porous floor of the bank.

n (yes, noun) wet rot. You might hear it in a phrase such as: Bob’s moved out of his house as it’s been practically destroyed by damp.

n highway robbery. A swindle so blatant that its very audacity takes you by surprise: Twenty percent a year? That’s bloody daylight robbery!

n an arm which has been disabled via a punch to the tricep. A popular form of entertainment amongst school bullies or inebriated university students.

adj expensive. While a little bit antiquated, it’s still in more widespread use in the United Kingdom than it is in the U.S.

v dodgy; iffy. Not quite right. Usually used in reference to digestive health: I can’t come into work today, I’ve got a bit of a dicky stomach.

v swindle mildly. A colleague might diddle you out of getting the best seats at the game; you’d be less likely to tell of when your grandparents were diddled out of their fortune, leaving them penniless beggars working the streets for cash. Brits do not use the term to refer to onanism.

adj unhappy: When I got the car back from the garage I was dischuffed to say the least.

adj unused: In the end we took him to a disused warehouse and beat the living daylights out of him. Not sure if it’ll stop him, but it certainly made your mother and I feel a lot better.

n something very easy.

n See “bollocks.” I’m not writing it twice.

n something which has been made a complete mess of: When we finally got his tax return through it turned out it was a dog’s breakfast. Why the dog should have any worse breakfast than the rest of us, I have no idea.