n same as “dog’s breakfast” (marginally more common).

n welfare. An allocation of money that the government gives to unemployed people, ostensibly to help them eat and clothe themselves during their fervent search for gainful employment but really for buying fags and lager. on the dole receiving welfare: Bob’s been on the dole since his accident.

n ages; a very long time: That shop’s been there for donkey’s years. The term originates from the fact that donkeys are larger than human beings, and so if we were all planets then years would be longer on the donkey-planet than they would on the human-planet. This is certainly the most likely explanation.

adj useless; crap: Hey, what happened to that new magical TV multi-remote thing you got? / Oh, I sent it back. It turned out to be a bit duff.

adj easy. Somewhat childish – more likely to apply to little Jimmy’s ability to jump over the dog than Price Waterhouse Coopers’ ability to balance your accounts.

v pussyfoot; bumble about doing things that aren’t quite relevant to the task in hand. You’ll often find it used when men are complaining about women faffing around trying on different sets of clothes before going out, which uses up valuable drinking time.

v become tired; wane: I was doing fine until the last lap and then I started to flag.

1 n sell. Has an air of poor credibility to it — a bloke in the pub might flog you a dodgy car stereo, but you’re less likely to find Marks and Spencer announcing in the press that from next week they’ll be flogging a new ladies wear range. Americans would probably use “hawk” in the same instances. 2 beat viciously (universal).

v brief, low-stake foray into gambling. Many people “have a flutter” on the Grand National horse race once a year, or the odd boxing match. Anything more regular and it’s just straight gambling.

n two weeks (from “fourteen nights”). This word is in very common usage in the U.K. As to why the Brits need a term for a time period which the Americans have never felt the urge to name, perhaps it stems from the fact that Americans get so little annual leave that they can never really take a fortnight of holiday anyway.

n the works; the whole shebang. Since the 1997 film of the same name the phrase has tended to mean “completely naked” if not put in a context.

n accept a higher offer in a property deal at the very last minute: The day we were supposed to sign the papers we were gazumped! Your mother spat at them, which made me feel slightly better about it.

interj give up: When are you going to stop watching telly and get your homework done? / Jesus mum, give over!

v the act of breaking a glass and shoving the lower half of it into someone’s face, thereby causing some degree of distress. A popular way for pikeys to settle arguments.

adj go down great; go down like a bomb: Julie went down a storm with the customers we spoke to today – I reckon we’ll see an order this afternoon as long as the demo model doesn’t catch fire again.

n Scottish 1 bullshit. Intended to refer to the metaphorical shite that is coming out of your gob: Jimmy said he was in the Olympic ski team but to be honest I think it’s all gobshite. 2 the person who is emitting said matter: I wouldn’t believe anything Anne says, she’s a wee gobshite.

adj surprised; taken aback: I was completely gobsmacked… I didn’t even know she was pregnant.

n Scottish grumble or moan. Much like “whinging.” Often used to refer to grumpy babies: Oh, just ignore him he’s been grizzling all morning.

n apparatus; stuff that does stuff: You put a coin in this end, and then out of here comes a model of the Eiffel Tower. I’m not really sure how the gubbins works…

adj deeply disappointed. You might use it to describe your state of health after your football team were beaten eight-nil and you dropped your car keys in a pond.