v hook up. The art of attracting the opposite sex: You’re not going to pull with breath smelling like that. on the pull a less proactive version of “sharking.” Single males and females are almost all on the pull but will deny it fervently and pretend to be terribly surprised when eventually it pays off.

adj horny. One way of ensuring that Brits laugh at American sitcoms is to put someone in the program called Randy. Sentences such as “Hello, I’m Randy” have us doubled up on the sofa.

v screw (in a sexual sense): Jim’s not coming out tonight, I think he’s staying at home riding that fat bird from the pub.

v hump. Rodgering is, well, shagging, and tends to also imply shagging of the arse variety. And I know it’s a name, but then so’s Randy. I used to work with a gentleman named Roger Tallboys.

v the loving act of procreation. It’s a bit rough-and-ready – you would be much more likely to have a romp with your secretary on top of the photocopier than you would with your wife of thirty years in the marital bed. Not you personally, these are just examples.

1 v lay (sexual). Usually refers to the act of intercourse itself, except when used by a bloke giving his mates the details about what happened with that tidy bird he pulled in the club the night before. In this case, the term shag should be interpreted to mean anything between a peck on the cheek and a punch in the face. Brits find very amusing the use of the word “shag” in the U.S. to refer to certain dances. 2 adj shagged tired. In much the same way as most other humping words can be used: Spent the whole day hiking and now I’m completely shagged.

v, hunt members of the opposite sex, with copulation in mind. The easiest way to spot someone who is sharking is to watch their friends, who will every so often hold one hand just above their head like a fin just to make the point. The difference between sharking and being “on the pull” is that sharking is slightly more proactive. If you’re on the pull you won’t say no; if you’re sharking you won’t take no for an answer. I was once told that “shark” in U.S. slang is, erm, a sexual technique. I then tried and failed to describe the act itself in polite terms, and have subsequently given up.

1 v -off have a go at; pick on: We gave Charlie a right slagging off when he turned up four hours late and covered in toothpaste. 2 n slut. A woman with very loose morals: I don’t think much of Derek’s bird… Ian thinks she’s a slag.

n slut. Person on the prowl for anything they can get. Anything. The word is applied more often to females, arguably because it is a built-in function of blokes and doesn’t deserve a separate word. Slappers wander around the dance floor looking for the drunkest blokes and then, when they’ve found them, woo them by dancing backwards into them “accidentally.” They are invariably spotted at the end of an evening telling the bouncer how lonely they are and trying to sit on his knee.

v make out; French kiss: I had a couple too many beers and ended up snogging the bouncer.

1 n semen. 2 someone with a bit of drive (universal).

n 1 party-girl, he says, to put it delicately. A girl easier to party on than other girls. Much the same as a “slapper,” but slightly less extreme and a little more unisexual. Tarts spend hours perfecting make-up, hair and clothes before going out and waiting at the side of the dance floor to be pulled. At the end of the evening, there’s a tendency for the tarts to slide towards slapperdom, just to make sure all that lip gloss doesn’t go to waste. The word may or may not be derived from “sweetheart.” 2 small cake with a filling – perhaps jam or fruit. So, when in Alice Through the Looking Glass, the rhyme goes “the knave of hearts, he stole the tarts,” he wasn’t leaping off with his arms full of easy young ladies. 3 sour (universal).

adj a fine example of his/her gender: Did you see the tidy new bloke working in the sweet shop? Blokes rather like this word because it has a definite subtext suggesting dusting and hoovering.

v masturbate. To call someone a tosser is to suggest that they are an accomplished onanist. The word was originally in use as tosser or “toss-pot” to describe a drunk (tossing one-too-many drinks back) but, as with most things, has become more gloriously sordid. give a toss give a shit.

n attractive members of the opposite sex: Well, I’m definitely going there again. Wall-to-wall totty. Not said by me, of course.

n masturbation: It was terribly embarrassing really. We walked in, switched the light on and started singing “happy birthday”, only to discover that Billy was in the middle of the vinegar strokes.

v masturbate. wanker n one who masturbates. Quite a rude word in the U.K. – perhaps one notch worse than “fuckwit” on the international offensiveness scale I’ve just invented. Interesting, therefore, that Adam Clayton of U2 managed to get away with using it in a Simpsons episode and that Phil Collins managed to use it in his 1984 Miami Vice cameo.