n Scottish 1 bullshit. Intended to refer to the metaphorical shite that is coming out of your gob: Jimmy said he was in the Olympic ski team but to be honest I think it’s all gobshite. 2 the person who is emitting said matter: I wouldn’t believe anything Anne says, she’s a wee gobshite.

adj surprised; taken aback: I was completely gobsmacked… I didn’t even know she was pregnant.

n jawbreaker. Very hard sweets intended to break the jaw of the consumer, or at least cause severe injury.

n golf cart. The device intended to remove the only useful part of golf (some exercise) from the sport.

interj well done: You finally ditched him? Good on ya!

n a cricket ball bowled such that it bounces unpredictably when it lands.

interj Christ. By this I don’t mean that Britain is under the grip of a strange new religion where Jesus Christ has been replaced by a man called Gordon Bennett, who came to earth in the guise of a used car salesman to save humanity from eternal damnation. No, I mean more that this is a general-purpose expletive, used in a similar context to “Christ!” or “Bollocks!”: Your brother Tommy’s won the lottery! / Gordon Bennett! Its source lies in the mid-19th century with James Gordon Bennett, son of the founder of the New York Herald and Associated Press (who was also called Gordon Bennett, in case you thought this was going to be simple). Born with cash to spare, Gordon Jr. became legendary for high-roller stunts and fits of notoriety including urinating in his in-laws’ fireplace, and burning money in public. His name entered the lexicon as a term of exclamation for anything a bit over the top.

adj slightly lacking in the common sense department; a bit daft. The word (as “gaumless”) also exists in Scots-derived American English with the same meaning but is not in common use.

n textbook. A very antiquated term – would be met with blank stares by most schoolchildren these days. Can’t think of anything witty to add. If you’re sitting there working on a “grammar / grandma” joke, please don’t. Whatever it was, my father has probably already used it.

1 n snitch; informer. 2 v inform. Normally used in the context of criminals grassing on each other to the police, but I certainly remember being grassed up at school for going to McDonalds instead of Modern Studies. If I could remember who it was who squealed, I’d name and shame him but right at this very minute I can’t recall. 3 marijuana (universal).

n green thumbs. A characteristic of a person particularly good at looking after plants. Difficult to imagine how these two different terms arose, but there you go.

n Scottish grumble or moan. Much like “whinging.” Often used to refer to grumpy babies: Oh, just ignore him he’s been grizzling all morning.

n fondle (in a sexual fashion): As soon as the lights went out, Bob groped her and she kicked him in the nuts. I knew he’d do something like that eventually but I don’t think any of us expected him to do it at a funeral.

adj gross; disgusting. Your mother might use it to describe your room, or your girlfriend might use it to describe your whole flat. Or maybe you’re cleaner than I am.

n apparatus; stuff that does stuff: You put a coin in this end, and then out of here comes a model of the Eiffel Tower. I’m not really sure how the gubbins works…

1 v fart. Presumably some sort of derivation of “chuff” or vice versa. Not to be confused with “gaff.” 2 n verbiage: I asked him what happened, but he just gave me a load of guff.

n old unit of currency in the U.K. Worth “one pound and one shilling,” a Guinea coin was minted from 1731 until 1813. The somewhat curious value is due to the fact that it was created largely to cater for auction-houses, where for each pound the seller receives for his goods, the auctioneer takes a shilling (5%). The buyer, therefore, pays a Guinea.

adj deeply disappointed. You might use it to describe your state of health after your football team were beaten eight-nil and you dropped your car keys in a pond.

n London the boss. While I’ve no doubt this derives from the word “governor,” I can guarantee that you’ll never hear the missing letters being pronounced or even written.

n irritating pain: I don’t think I’ll make it out tonight; my ankle is giving me gyp. Interestingly, in the U.S. “gypping” is cheating.