n anything. Rather northern-English: Whatcha looking at me for? I didn’t do owt! It’s recognised throughout the U.K. but it’s a little unusual to use it.

n mix-up; cluster. A confusion that arose from something that probably ought to have been simpler: I thought it was going to take ten minutes to renew my passport when I came out of prison but… boy, what a palava.

n raise: Do you think they took it as a joke? / Well, some people were laughing at the start but, as the ice cream melted, Ian started to get really uncomfortable and I don’t think anyone really thought it was very funny. I doubt I’ll get the sack, but I certainly won’t be getting a pay rise.

adj gone wrong. Usually it’s meant in a rather jovial sense, in a similar way to the American expression “out of kilter” or “off kilter”: Well, I was supposed to have a civilised dinner with my mates but we had a few drinks and it all went a bit pear-shaped. You would be less likely to see: Well, she went in for the operation but the transplant organ’s been rejected and the doctor says it’s all gone a bit pear-shaped. Possible derivations involve glass-blowing or hot-air ballooning. Separately.

adj unique: These street signs are peculiar to Birmingham. Because Brits also share the more conventional meaning (“unusual”), it does slightly imply that. If street signs can really be that unusual. Also applies to things other than street signs.

adj pron. “fuht” gone- Something which has breathed its last, expired. It is an ex-something: We ended up stuck watching BBC2 because the television remote control had gone phut.

n a mess; a poor job: We paid the guy from down the road to come and finish painting the fence, but he made a complete pig’s ear of it. Probably comes from the phrase “you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear.”

v steal. A contributor of mine told me that her father got anything but the reaction he expected when in New Orleans he asked a friend if he could pinch their date for a dance. The Brits do not share the American usage of “pinch,” to mean arresting someone.

n bad smell. My maths teacher at school, Mr Benzies, also taught my uncle, who was fifteen or so years older than me. My uncle told me that in his day Mr Benzies was known unanimously as “Pongo Benzies” because “wherever he goes, the pong goes.” If you’re reading this, Mr Benzies, please remember that I’m just relating what my uncle said, and I didn’t necessarily actually call you that, or try and get the rest of the year to call you it too.

n lies. From Cockney rhyming slang “pork pies” / “lies.”

n, v mail. Brits don’t mail things, they post them. Their mail is delivered by a postman (one word). And, umm, he works for an organisation called the Royal Mail. It’s pretty much the reverse of how these two words are used in America.

interj the genuine article; good stuff: I was a bit dubious when they were selling Levis for twenty quid, but I reckon they’re pukka. It is derived from the Hindi word “pakka,” meaning “substantial,” and made it to the U.K. via the Colonies.

v put an end to: We were going to have a picnic in the park but the weather put paid to that.

v Mock version of “quantitative easing”, the U.K. government’s term for increasing the money supply in order to make customers happy, with the small expense of causing hyperinflation sometime in future. Probably ages away.

n, v, pron. “cue” line. This doesn’t really help the definition at all, as a line could be any number of things. A pencil line? A railway line? A line of Charlie? A line dancer? As a result of this potentially dangerous confusion, a word was developed by some British word-scientists to separate this particular line from all the others. A queue is a line of people. To queue is to be one of those queuing in the queue. The word means “tail” in French, and is used in the same context. Americans do in fact use the word, but only in the “you’re third in the queue” type telephone call waiting systems.

n kind of; sort of: What did you think of Jean’s new boyfriend? / Hmm, yeah, I suppose he was quite nice. This is something of a tough one because Brits will also use quite, in the same way as Americans, to mean “very.” The only real way to determine exactly which type of quite is being used is to look at how expressive the word that follows it is. If it’s a word like “perfect” or “delicious” then it’s being used the positive way; if it’s a word like “nice” or “pleasant” then it’s negative.

adj even; square. No remaining debt to be paid: Well, the week after she backed into my car, my son got caught having sex with her cat so I think we’re quits.

adv believe to be true. It’s still perfectly acceptable in the U.K. to say “I reckon” this, that or the other: We’re going to get a taxi to the airport but Dan reckons we’re still not going to make it. The term is still used in the Southern U.S. but regarded with disdain by snobby northerners who believe it can only be uttered whilst chewing a piece of straw and leaning on a gate.

n laid off. Make redundant lay off: Unless things start picking up pretty soon we’re going to have to start making people redundant.

v study: I can’t go out tonight, my mum says I’ve got to stay home revising. All the other meanings of the word remain the same.