interj rather older-fashioned term of surprise: Cor blimey, I thought he was going to drive straight into us! Has mostly migrated these days into just “blimey” or, more rarely, “cor.”

n cilantro. The herb that tastes like soap, and redefines the term “edible.” Americans still call the fruit of the plant “coriander” but not the leaves.

n crib. Americans call a sort of frame camp bed a “cot.” Brits don’t. I’d say they just called it a “camp bed,” as God intended. I’m guessing that he intended that. The Bible is fairly ambiguous about which day God chose to create camp beds.

v picking up gay partners in public restrooms. George Michael is possibly the most famous cottager in recent times. A peculiarly male trait, the term likely derives from the fact that public toilets used to look like nice little cottages.

n cotton swabs, or “Q-Tips.” When I came back from Tenerife with an ear infection I deduced had come from swimming in the sea, I got a telling-off from the doctor for attempting to cure myself with the aid of some cotton buds. According to the doctor, you should “never put anything at all into your ear smaller than your elbow.” Medical advice dispensed here at no extra cost.

n cotton ball — the little furry blob that women use to remove makeup and men use to clean inlet manifolds.

n public housing, projects. Housing built by the government and meted out to the needy, so they can reproduce and smoke pot in it. In the U.K. such projects were largely the brainchild of a Labour government, but when the Conservatives took power in 1979 they had the fantastic idea of allowing the tenants (generally working-class Labour voters) the option of buying their council houses at a discount to market value, which proved wonderfully popular. It also made it rather tricky for Labour to reverse the plan when they attained power in 1997, as it had made a great many of their upstanding supporters substantially richer.

n zucchini. I wonder if there’s anything behind the fact that these words both look like they ought to be sports cars. I’m sure someone’s written a thesis on it somewhere.

n pumps. Lightweight heeled women’s dress shoes with enclosed toes.

n dishonest and incompetent tradesman: I’m not surprised it exploded, it was installed by a bunch of cowboys!

n pron. “crack” fun and frolics to be had with other people; what makes a particular pub fun, or a particular wedding bearable: The pub ended up being a bit shit but the craic was great! From Irish Gaelic, hence the comedy spelling. The popular recreational drug “crack” exists in the U.K., as does the euphemism for vagina. This means endless confusion for many Irish crack whores.

n day-care. The place you take your children to be looked after, usually while you bumble off and make the money you’ll need to pay for it. The Brits do not use the word to describe a the revolting Christian Christmas scene that your child brought home from school and you’re not sure where to jettison (see “nativity”).

interj general expression of surprise. Rather elderly and a little esoteric these days — you can most imagine it being used in a context something like: Crikey, Eustace — looks like Cambridge are going to win after all! It may be derived from “Christ kill me.” It also may not.

n potato chips, or any of the corn-based equivalents. It’s worth bearing in mind that crisps in the U.K. cover a wide variety of flavours from Worcester Sauce to steak, and are not restricted to tasting anything like a potato. In fact, producing something that tastes anything like a potato is probably a sacking offence in the crisp factory. This particular confusion has caused me no end of troubles in the U.S. — I’ve never been so disappointed with a “bag of chips” in my life.

n sudden failure. Only really used in the phrase “come a cropper,” e.g., Your uncle Arthur came a cropper on his motorcycle one evening after a few beers! It means something particularly bad has happened to the person in question. Most likely they died.

interj general expression of surprise. Much akin to “God,” or “bloody hell” in that context (but without the ghastly use of our saviour’s name in vain or any swearing). It’s quite all right to use in polite company, though perhaps a little antiquated. More likely to be heard in a context like: Crumbs, that’s more expensive than Harrods rather than: Crumbs, I just dropped the smack out the window.

n 1 small teacake made of pancake batter, but with raising agents added to make holes. 2 loose woman. Coming from rhyming slang for “strumpet” (a woman adulterer), crumpet refers to women in a similar (although a little more old-fashioned) way to “totty.” Suffice to say that if you were out looking for some crumpet of an evening, you wouldn’t be intending sleeping alone. In fact, you may not be intending to sleep at all. Despite it meaning, primarily, a small teacake, it would be difficult to mention such a teacake in the U.K. without someone at the table collapsing in fits of giggles.

n cup of tea: Surely you have time for a cuppa?

n braces. {these things}. This is just one small part of a whole category of cross-continental disasters – see “square brackets”.

n checking account. The bank account into which you deposit your salary, only to have it seep away gently through the porous floor of the bank.